Why I’m doing this …

I think sometimes we got so wrapped up in what we don’t have, that we forget to be grateful for the things we do. We become so focused on how perfect others’ lives seem, that we forget that everything happens for a reason, and there’s a timetable attached to it – and it may not be the same as the “life plan” we’ve set for ourselves. If it did, I’d be living a very, very different life right now.

I’ve recently embarked on year #31, and I’ve decided to try doing  something that I probably should have been doing all along – thinking less about when my life is going to figure itself out. It’s time (probably past time, honestly) that I start spending more time enjoying whatever life throws at me. Because at the end of the day, I may not have everything I want in my life – but what I do have is pretty great.

So there’s my goal for the next year – and hopefully beyond – to live my life, and not compare my haves and have nots to others’, and not to focus so much on what I’ve done so wrong to end up so “behind schedule.” Because I don’t think that it’s so much that I’ve done anything wrong. It may be that I spent so much time looking for what I don’t have that I stopped enjoying what I do have. Or that I spent so much time working that I forgot what it felt like to be living. Or that I’ve been so afraid of “screwing it up” that I’ve held myself back from things that may have left me exposed and vulnerable – but could have been wonderful.

I’ll admit that it scares me to death. I’m a planner. I’d love to know exactly what is going to happen every day for the rest of my life. But I know that’s impossible (How does that quote go? Something along the lines of “if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans”?) So, yes, I’m scared. Terrified. But I also know that nothing scares me as much as the thought of doing what I’ve been doing, then finding myself looking back 20 years from now, wondering what my life could have been had I stopped worrying about when it was going to work itself out and started enjoying whatever it is that fate throws at me.

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2 thoughts on “Why I’m doing this …

  1. You hit the nail on the head when you said “how perfect others’ lives seem.” People have gotten so good at presenting the illusion of perfection when in fact reality is often not at all how it appears on a computer screen. I’m so excited for your new journey and I want to help in any way I can because Lord knows I have plenty of reflection, refocusing and growing to do too. You never know when life will hand you a curve ball, so it’s sooo important to enjoy every moment. xo

  2. Gramma always said “some will always have less than you, and some will always more.” She would be proud of you guys. I love you and always proud of you. Now don’t go telling everyone what an abused child you were. Sorry we never bought you a Hummer or other things. I don’t see you picking off people screaming from a building. So, I guess you turned out ok. As your brothers say “Who says what’s normal?” We don’t care what Dad says cause he is the Dad. Hope this goes well. Kiss on your pinhead. xoxo

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