Take Me, Baby, Or Leave Me (to quote RENT)

I came across this quote on another blog the other day. I’m inclined to take it as a sign.

A little background: I had a conversation several weeks ago that convinced me that I’m just around the corner from that elusive “having it all.” The catch: I needed to recognize the signs and follow my instincts. So, yeah, seeing a quote so applicable to my life? Sign.

I’m a believer that everything happens for a reason, and that there is a plan for us – one that we may not always understand, but will be much better off once we finally accept.

That said, I’ve also been referred to as “intimidating” on more occasions than I’d care to admit. Why? I have no idea (honestly, I think I’m one of the least intimidating people in the world). Some claim it’s my looks. Some claim that it’s the fact that I have been pretty successful in just about anything I’ve set out to do. Some claim that it’s that I’m a group fitness instructor (and this one continues to stump me more than any of the others).  Seriously?

Now that I have you thinking I’m totally conceited, let me make one thing clear: I have spent most of my life feeling judged. Under the impression that I’m not pretty enough, or skinny enough, or smart enough, or funny enough, or any other something enough. I often just assume that people don’t like me, and wonder if I were just a terrible person in a previous life, and now I am left paying for the sins of a former me.

And yes, that is what has, in many ways, held me back.

And yes, I’m trying hard to stop letting it.

The fact is, attitude is everything. The way you look at a situation or a circumstance is the way that you will see it. I’ve spent a lot of time joking that I’m going to die old and alone. That my family has just stopped asking me if I’m dating anyone, because they know the answer is no.

Instead, I’m going to keep doing what I love, and doing it well. I’m going to keep positive and know that the happiness and positive energy within me is going to draw like-minded people into my life. I deserve to live my life and make myself happy rather worrying about what other people think about it. I don’t want to hold back, and I don’t want to settle. I want it all. I deserve it all. And when the time is right, I will have it all.

I shouldn’t have to justify who I am, and I shouldn’t have to apologize for my mama making me pretty, working my ass off for what I want, or loving exercise so much that I want to share it with others. You know why? Because it is the man who’s impressed by these things who is the right one for me.

The Countdown Begins …

Today starts what I usually think of as the longest day of the year. I leave for the beach on Friday, and it’s pretty much the only thing I can think of at this point. There’s a half-packed suitcase sitting on my bedroom floor … a few bags full of “stuff” that we’ll need throughout the week in another corner of the room … and a list of things I need to make sure I find the time to do throughout the week.

To say that I need a vacation is more than an understatement. I’ll admit it – I’m a little burnt out. Going on all cylinders week in and week out can wear you down, and I’m definitely about there. It’s taking every ounce of energy I have to do … well … much of anything right now. Lucikly, work has been insanely busy the last few weeks, so that’s made the time to my break go quickly (as I told a few people throughout this crazy busy spell, I’ve been definitely earning my vacation).

It’s not just the sitting on the beach, doing nothing that I have to look forward to – it’s the company, too. I spent some time with my mom in early June, but I think the last time I saw my dad may have been at Christmas. So the family time is definitely going to be a good thing (although, in talking with my parents yesterday, I’m a little concerned about what I’m gong to have to hear thoughout the week – apparently my dad knows about three words to Nicki Minaj’s “Starships.” I’m screwed. Last year, he was obsessed with “that song about the Fireworks” … and his twin brother knew two words from Lady Gaga’s “Edge of Glory.” Naturally, those words were “the edge” over and over again).

So, just a few more days to go! Words do not describe  how much I am looking forward to getting my toes into the sand on Friday!