Take Me, Baby, Or Leave Me (to quote RENT)

I came across this quote on another blog the other day. I’m inclined to take it as a sign.

A little background: I had a conversation several weeks ago that convinced me that I’m just around the corner from that elusive “having it all.” The catch: I needed to recognize the signs and follow my instincts. So, yeah, seeing a quote so applicable to my life? Sign.

I’m a believer that everything happens for a reason, and that there is a plan for us – one that we may not always understand, but will be much better off once we finally accept.

That said, I’ve also been referred to as “intimidating” on more occasions than I’d care to admit. Why? I have no idea (honestly, I think I’m one of the least intimidating people in the world). Some claim it’s my looks. Some claim that it’s the fact that I have been pretty successful in just about anything I’ve set out to do. Some claim that it’s that I’m a group fitness instructor (and this one continues to stump me more than any of the others).  Seriously?

Now that I have you thinking I’m totally conceited, let me make one thing clear: I have spent most of my life feeling judged. Under the impression that I’m not pretty enough, or skinny enough, or smart enough, or funny enough, or any other something enough. I often just assume that people don’t like me, and wonder if I were just a terrible person in a previous life, and now I am left paying for the sins of a former me.

And yes, that is what has, in many ways, held me back.

And yes, I’m trying hard to stop letting it.

The fact is, attitude is everything. The way you look at a situation or a circumstance is the way that you will see it. I’ve spent a lot of time joking that I’m going to die old and alone. That my family has just stopped asking me if I’m dating anyone, because they know the answer is no.

Instead, I’m going to keep doing what I love, and doing it well. I’m going to keep positive and know that the happiness and positive energy within me is going to draw like-minded people into my life. I deserve to live my life and make myself happy rather worrying about what other people think about it. I don’t want to hold back, and I don’t want to settle. I want it all. I deserve it all. And when the time is right, I will have it all.

I shouldn’t have to justify who I am, and I shouldn’t have to apologize for my mama making me pretty, working my ass off for what I want, or loving exercise so much that I want to share it with others. You know why? Because it is the man who’s impressed by these things who is the right one for me.

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The Best Year of Your Life?

This morning, I woke up to a conversation on the radio discussing the best year of your life – apparently some study determined that age would be 33. My thought? Excellent! I’m not even there yet!

I listened for a few minutes (good excuse to stay cuddled up in my blankets, yes?), and the conversation continued to explain that up until this point – and I’m guessing beyond, if you’d let it – your life just continues to get better.

Now, I’ll be the first one to say that I feel like I go through a bit of a metamorphosis every few years. At 31, I don’t feel that I’m the same person I was at 28, and at 28, I wasn’t the same person I was at 25, and at 25, I wasn’t the same person I was at 22 – and God knows I wasn’t the person I was at 18 when I was 22 (thank goodness!). I do feel that I’ve finally gotten to the point where, while I may not totally have it all figured out, I at least know what I want – and a lot of the pieces have fallen into place. I’m fortunate to say that I have a successful “real” career, a “play” side-job that I absolutely love, and I have made some great friends throughout my life. Yes, there is that one elusive piece still missing – someone to share my life with – but I’m continuing to have great faith that, as Kim (one of my very closest friends) always tells me, “he’s just not ready yet.”

So here’s to getting older! I think if nothing else, age has helped me become a little wiser, a little calmer (just ask my mom … or my high school friends), and a little more flexible. No, life is never going to be perfect. But I like to think that although I’m still not exactly where I want to be, I’m on my way.