I consider my part-time, “just for fun” job as a group fitness instructor to be one of the most rewarding, enjoyable parts of my life. Being able to see people grow stronger and healthier, and to know that you played a part in their getting there, is truly one of the most amazing feelings in the world. It truly makes me feel blessed to have the ability to share my passion with others – one of the greatest compliments I’ve ever received came from my former national fitness director, mentor and friend, who once told me that this was what I was put on earth to do. (Wow, right?)
When I get in front of a class, or even when I’m just working out on my own, I’m the most confident person in the world. I know that my form is (usually) spot-on, I’m super-personable, and I have no fear that the people in my classes are judging me. Sometimes, at the end of my Pilates classes, I’m even known to throw out a couple options … with the last one being something along the lines of, “We’re almost done. If you want to just sit and laugh at me, I’m cool with that, too.”
It’s funny, though … because I feel like I definitely have two drastically different sides to my personality. I always joke that I wish I could incorporate “gym me” more into “’real’ me.” The two are almost opposite side of the spectrum – though I’m trying my best to start incorporating more of “gym me” into my every day life. Because the person who steps in front of a class five times in a week is not always so outgoing. In fact, I spend a lot of my time worrying that people are judging me, or that I’ll be rejected, or that I’m not funny/charming/pretty/skinny/smart/insert-other-fitting-word-here enough.
I hate to say it, but in a way, I do feel like that fear has crippled me throughout the last several years. I’ve spent so much time being afraid that people wouldn’t like me, or wouldn’t get me, or that I wouldn’t be good enough, that I almost feel as if I’ve allowed myself to become socially stunted. And honestly, I’ve just had enough of being afraid that I’m not, well … enough.
But that’s another one of my goals for this next year of my life – to stop thinking so much, and just start living. People won’t always like you. Yes, there are people who are funnier/more charming/prettier/skinnier/smarter/insert-other-fitting-word-here than me. There always have been. There always will be. But at the end of the day … I’m sure there are a lot of people looking at me, wondering how they can ever live up to what I’ve been given.
So here’s to “gym me”! It’s definitely time to get a little more of that spastic little ball of crazy, energy and passion into the rest of my life. I’m taking suggestions on how to start!